Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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