the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
