just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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