When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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