How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
