So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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