I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
