just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All the doctor said was why
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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