how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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