I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
