Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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