But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
