Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
