well you can't waste a boner
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
