just come out here and I will go home with you...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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