since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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