I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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