I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
