why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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