I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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