Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
