you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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