I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
