i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
