If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
