It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
