it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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