I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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