So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
