I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
