tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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