Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
