I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
