I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
