i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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