We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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