A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
