Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
