It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
