She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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