My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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