I have demons in me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
