I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
