Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
