I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
