dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
