It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
