Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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