Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
