I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
