I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
