roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
