Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I look better un-naked...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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