Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
